Three Month Comparison

DEBT OWED TO:	JUNE 2012 BALANCE	JULY 2012 BALANCE	AUGUST 2012 BALANCE
DISCOVER CARD /HUSBAND	$1,374.89
BILL ME LATER	$2,734.48
CHASE/ CARDMEMBER SERVICE	$3,958.94
BANK OF AMERICA	$624.39
BANK OF AMERICA	$6,218.42
CITICARD	$4,247.57
BANK OF AMERICA	$2,526.99
CITI PLATINUM	$4,797.59
CAPITAL ONE	$2,860.18
CITICARD	$1,914.17
DISCOVER CARD	$499.29
CHASE	$128.26
TOTAL CREDIT CARD DEBT:	$31,885.17
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS)	$6,299.00
PARENTS (Personal Loan)	$11,220.00
ACS (Student Loan)	$7,340.86 (principal)
SALLIE MAE (Student Loans)	$18,170.70 (principal)
U.S. DEPT OF EDUC.  (Student Loans)	$92,953.79 (principal)
SALLIE MAE/ (Parent Loans)	$45,218.27 (principal)
TOTAL STUDENT LOAN DEBT:	$163,683.62
CITIMORTGAGE INC.	$397,365.79
GRAND TOTAL DEBT:	$610,453.58

Minimum Balances: How Much I Spend On Debt

After adding up the numbers I made a horrific discovery: I paid $702.82 in minimum balances in the month of June. True, June is not over yet but I have paid all of my credit card bills with my first paycheck. Imagine what I could do with $702.82 if I did not have all this debt? I could save! What a concept. How come we do not save our hard earned cash if not to just feel secure? When you have debt you lack security because you are not in control. You are vulnerable. 

Security on the other hand gives us confidence. You are not worried about if you lose your job because being financially stable will provide you with the support you are suddenly lacking. But no security equals no support. It has taken me several months to save almost that same amount ($706) in my savings. But if I didn't have all this debt, no problem. 

And we want so much material. We want things that depreciate in value. We want things that provide no substance in our lives. We think these things give us fulfillment. But they do not. They provide temporary "happiness" for lack of a better word. And the "happiness" is artificial. That's why we continue to want more. I liken it to when you eat food filled with artificial flavors and preservatives, foods that have no real nutritional value. When you eat foods like this you do not feel full immediately. You don't feel energized. You feel lethargic if you eat too much of it. You feel sick, like you want to vomit. It's the artificiality in all this that's killing us. 

So when we hoard our hoarding lands us into this mess of debt. And the debt is seeping any life out of our lives. We graduate from college with several thousands of dollars worth of debt. How do you begin a life in all this debt?? It's one thing if you are going into a field that will pay you back what you have spent on education and then some. But many of us are going into debt because of a liberal arts education that's not making us a practitioner of anything. How does the saying go, "Jack of all trades, master of none?" 

I've wracked up all of this debt and for what really? The clothes I purchased I don't even wear. The restaurants I've went to have only added to my waistline. The stuff in my house, do I need any of it really? Do I even take care of it necessarily? Do I take care of the things I've been blessed with? Or do I take these things for granted? 

I spend $702.82 a month in minimum balances. Were the things I went into debt for really worth it?

Money In My Pocket...Or the Lack Thereof

Debtors never have money in their pockets. Ask any debtor. Debtors are always in search of money. There is never enough. There is always more month than money. As a debtor, you are constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. Then you are borrowing back what you paid to Paul to reimburse Peter out of guilt and so on and so forth. It's a vicious cycle. 

My husband and I do not own cars so we take public transportation. Sometimes because I am too cold, or I am carrying too much stuff or just out of my own laziness, I want to take a cab. The first thought that always comes to mind is, do I have the money? I always have to stop and think. Because when you never have money on a consistent basis you always have to determine whether or not you have any when the moment to cough up the funds arises. 

I miss having "walking around" money. I miss just having money for the sake of having money. My wallet is always empty. And when I have money, I am so used to not having it, I end up spending it so I can be, once again, cash poor. It's almost as if I feel more myself when my wallet is empty. Because on the rare occasion when it is full it itches my hands. I can't wait to get rid of it. 

I usually bring bottled water in from home to stock my refrigerator at work. (I recycle those bottles later.) Today was a rare day because I opened my refrigerator and there was no water in it. This is the first time I have had no water in months. I happened to have $2.40 in my wallet. I went to the soda machine to purchase one drink and one bottle of water. I was able to purchase the drink, but since all drinks were $1.50 I did not have enough funds. I ended up placing the remaining change in my desk drawer. I use to keep large amounts of spare change in my desk drawer but that was years ago. Now, I can barely muster up enough funds for a pink lemonade from the soda machine. Still, that moment of being able to save some money...even if it were only $0.90 cents meant something to me. Maybe I can build upon that. I'd also like to be able to keep some pocket change in my metro card/id wallet. You know, just some spare dollars that I could have on hand just in case. I want to work up to that. I use to keep at least $5.00 in my metro card/id wallet. But again, lately, I can't even keep a little bit of money. 

You are probably sitting at home thinking this is truly sad and pathetic that only having a little money would make me so happy. But ultimately, debtors are spenders. We are spendaholics, shopaholics, all that. And when you know how to spend, saving for a rainy day is never on the agenda. 

I do have a savings account. It doesn't have that much money in it. $706 dollars to be exact. But that $706 has been very slow to accumulate. The only reason I haven't withdrawn any money is because I insisted on the bank not providing me with a Debit/ATM card. The last time I had a savings I didn't have an ATM card but eventually was given one after the bank's persistence. And just as I thought, my "savings" flew out of the account which I eventually closed. Not having a card allows me to make deposits and only deposits. I choose to abstain from making cash withdrawals because I'm serious about this having money in my pocket thing...   

Quarterly Credit Update - May 25, 2012

There was a time, only three years ago in 2009, when my credit scores were in the low 800s. No more. That said, they have increased since the last time I checked. According to Bank of America's (BOA) Privacy Assist Quarterly Credit Update, as of May 25, 2012, my scores and credit ratings from the three credit bureaus are as follows: 

• Equifax:        Score - 694; Rating - Fair
• Experian:      Score - 681; Rating - Fair
• TransUnion:  Score - 706; Rating - Good

This is nothing to write home about but it's nice to see the scores on the upswing. As my debt decreases it will be fun watching these scores increase. Appreciating the little things in life goes a long way.

DEBT - JUNE 2012

Initial Debt - Beginning June 2012

DEBT OWED TO:	BALANCE	INTEREST	MONTHLY PAYMENT
DISCOVER CARD /HUSBAND	$1,374.89	0%	$40.00
BILL ME LATER	$2,734.48	19%	$84.00
CHASE/ CARDMEMBER SERVICE	$3,958.94	18.24%	$98.00
BANK OF AMERICA	$624.39	15.99%	$15.00
BANK OF AMERICA	$6,218.42	11.99%	$124.00
CITICARD	$4,247.57	11.99%	$86.82
BANK OF AMERICA	$2,526.99	11.24%	$54.00
CITI PLATINUM	$4,797.59	0%	$80.00
CAPITAL ONE	$2,860.18	0%	$28.00
CITICARD	$1,914.17	0%	$28.00
DISCOVER CARD	$499.29	0%	$40.00
CHASE	$128.26	12.24%	$25.00
TOTAL CREDIT CARD DEBT:	$31,885.17
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS)	$6,299.00	$688.55 (interest charges already included in balance)	$160.00
PARENTS (Personal Loan)	$11,220.00
ACS (Student Loan)	$7,340.86 (principal)	$11,789.10 (interest included)	In-School Deferment
SALLIE MAE (Student Loans)	$18,170.70 (principal)	$29,697.89 (interest included)	In-School Deferment
U.S. DEPT OF EDUC.  (Student Loans)	$92,953.79 (principal)	$94,515.14 (interest included)	In-School Deferment
SALLIE MAE/ (Parent Loans)	$45,218.27 (principal)	$96,189.65 (interest included)	Forbearance
TOTAL STUDENT LOAN DEBT:	$163,683.62
CITIMORTGAGE INC.	$397,365.79	4.87500% (30 year fixed)	$2,800.00
GRAND TOTAL DEBT:	$610,453.58

Bill Organization and other stuff...

I have finally found a useful notebook to organize my bills. It has a pocket for the bills and everything. There is a pocket for each month. There is also a six year calendar (very helpful). It even has a zip pocket for receipts. In fact, I have written down all the credit card debt that I currently owe including the card's interest rates. This will help me to determine which credit card I plan to pay off first. (Although I know this already...my husband's.) 

But back to the bill organizer...Where have you been all my life? Finally a place to organize my financial madness. The chaos can finally be tamed. What's more scary is that no employment is permanent unless you have tenure. If I lost my job tomorrow my financial situation is so dire I'd sink both myself and my husband. This is more than disturbing. I want better for my family. We deserve better. I want to be so financially fit that if something were to happen, like unemployment, we'd still be financially secure. I believe I can change this situation around as sad as it is. And I pray for discipline. Because this is what I have lacked all these years. I pray that I will stop acting on my emotions. I pray that I can finally start acting like an adult.

On a slightly brighter note my quarterly credit report for Bank of America came yesterday. My Fair Isaac Corporation score (FICO) is improving. I can't wait to watch that baby jump significantly by the next quarterly report as my revolving debt (a.k.a. credit card debt) decreases. Being that I'm not a fan of Bank of America I am going to take a moment to give them some kudos. I actually appreciate their Privacy Assist program. Their annual score report comes in a nice booklet, actually packaging all my debt quite nicely. And it keeps me aware of the numbers so I am not in the dark. I don't like being in the dark. This is why I am not one to leave bills unopened and stuffed in a drawer. I need to know, you know? If I'm in dire straits I need to know just exactly how dire? How much mucky stuff am I in for real? But again I'm tired of dwelling in quick sand. This mess has got to get cleaned up. 

But that notebook again? Good stuff. I certainly recommend it. Get it here.