Debtors never have money in their pockets. Ask any debtor. Debtors are always in search of money. There is never enough. There is always more month than money. As a debtor, you are constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. Then you are borrowing back what you paid to Paul to reimburse Peter out of guilt and so on and so forth. It's a vicious cycle.
My husband and I do not own cars so we take public transportation. Sometimes because I am too cold, or I am carrying too much stuff or just out of my own laziness, I want to take a cab. The first thought that always comes to mind is, do I have the money? I always have to stop and think. Because when you never have money on a consistent basis you always have to determine whether or not you have any when the moment to cough up the funds arises.
I miss having "walking around" money. I miss just having money for the sake of having money. My wallet is always empty. And when I have money, I am so used to not having it, I end up spending it so I can be, once again, cash poor. It's almost as if I feel more myself when my wallet is empty. Because on the rare occasion when it is full it itches my hands. I can't wait to get rid of it.
I usually bring bottled water in from home to stock my refrigerator at work. (I recycle those bottles later.) Today was a rare day because I opened my refrigerator and there was no water in it. This is the first time I have had no water in months. I happened to have $2.40 in my wallet. I went to the soda machine to purchase one drink and one bottle of water. I was able to purchase the drink, but since all drinks were $1.50 I did not have enough funds. I ended up placing the remaining change in my desk drawer. I use to keep large amounts of spare change in my desk drawer but that was years ago. Now, I can barely muster up enough funds for a pink lemonade from the soda machine. Still, that moment of being able to save some money...even if it were only $0.90 cents meant something to me. Maybe I can build upon that. I'd also like to be able to keep some pocket change in my metro card/id wallet. You know, just some spare dollars that I could have on hand just in case. I want to work up to that. I use to keep at least $5.00 in my metro card/id wallet. But again, lately, I can't even keep a little bit of money.
You are probably sitting at home thinking this is truly sad and pathetic that only having a little money would make me so happy. But ultimately, debtors are spenders. We are spendaholics, shopaholics, all that. And when you know how to spend, saving for a rainy day is never on the agenda.
I do have a savings account. It doesn't have that much money in it. $706 dollars to be exact. But that $706 has been very slow to accumulate. The only reason I haven't withdrawn any money is because I insisted on the bank not providing me with a Debit/ATM card. The last time I had a savings I didn't have an ATM card but eventually was given one after the bank's persistence. And just as I thought, my "savings" flew out of the account which I eventually closed. Not having a card allows me to make deposits and only deposits. I choose to abstain from making cash withdrawals because I'm serious about this having money in my pocket thing...
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